It hurts..

I guess its age, class and values which are in opposition, causing the relation to be derailed. I'm writing this out of uneasiness which I feel because of this impasse. I'm well aware that this is the correct and difficult path and I have to take it still it hurts like a death as this is my personality. The motive behind this post is that I don't to regret that I haven't told what I have felt about you, which may be important to you.

I am satisfied that I have put in correct thing in right amount as per my experience and you were not even in the race. To make it simple, do you know anything which you have done for me which I have not done in twice of your magnitude. Yes I turned off my phone for two things, we were on break and wanted to know how much you want to contact me (as your ego was between to avail that option to contact me). Writing a blog, riding for you, drove you on pillion twice, I'm to call almost every time, got spaced from my friends and family, was always late for class because of you (as without you I was always on time), had patiently listened to your tantrum of almost everything. Where you even close?

If my correcting you is my fault then it is a best step and I valued my decision. You have obsessed with your uncle because you were at his mercy, but your talks make him worst. Repeatedly you keep on babbling about him, as if you don't care for my feelings. I learned form Karna, not correcting the crime in front of your eyes is participating in it. Just look at my punishments to you, wasn't it for you? Even your blood mother could not make you do it  and I hate her for knowing it and not doing anything, she is equally guilty. Now you would have drank a lot and smoked like anything as a freelancer, and definitely you have lost the right to come back to me.  And I'm dam sure your ego would not even allow you to come back. I know your ego you will not. Yes it hurt me but its my punishment of loving you.
You lied to me and lost the trust, I was not able to break up with you that day as I was too scared for myself. Incest for you or society in which you live may not be big deal but it is for normal people. I had a girl friend who was so close to me that she used to hug me in public. But once I encounter with her in mess which was after having you, I felt odd and resisted. Although I was polite in nature, she could sense the difference. That's the loyalty I speak about. I have my potential girlfriend followed up once you meet and with two talks I make it clear that she would not have me. Where is your such action, just a slip of dinner you would break the trust.

You have taken me too granted, my time is a utter waste you feel. Its seems that I am always suppose to talk to you. Let me tell you I used to call you before when I used to get time and generally at nights I used to stay awake for you. But it was last straw when you continuously babbling about. You with your friend don't have need for me, just don't talk for the sake of talking. Its wasted other people time. I was busy and had a work with my friend, thought I was trying to get myself free but you were unstoppable. Everybody was so annoyed by your call. Please don't treat your boyfriends as a slaves. Then to teach you a lesson I made 160 and more calls in 1hour and 30 minutes. Do you have even a fraction of a patient. You are impolite and expect that everybody should serve you. You born in rich family with allies, don't think that everything should be giving you attention. I curse you, your beauty and money will soon vanquish unless you earn it. I curse you...

Whatever pain I am feeling I would try my best till last of my breath to divert it to something positive. Even if I have to run a mile together I would run, even I have to swim wall to wall underwater I would do. And I wish that in the process the breath fades away at least the peace would follow.  I regret to even join the class else I would not have seen you at the first time. I wish I should not have be with you even a moment. My charm was enough to cynosure the attention to me in very good sense.
 

Analysis of this relationship

       After pondering of the state of relationship I have draw some conclusions which I feel, after going through the reasons you would be also agree upon. The only reason I stay in the relationships is because I would like to see my post life’s trailer.  And no one on this planet I am aware that is not seeking the happiness. In this analysis I am summing up to have serene life, hence I am calling for the collective motion.

1.    Maturity mismatch

This is classic as it was bound to happen with huge age difference. However in my case I was more considerate with older girls. It is said that females becomes mature before male counterpart and so is the reason that in a marriage men are older. In this relationship the difference is so much that this reason does not apply.

Owing to this difference our needs are different and expectations from each other are poles apart. This leads to boring and uninteresting relationship. The emotional support which we seek from each other does not exist because of this.
Well, you are younger so what is your fault? Irony is that you don’t seem to be aware of it.  To make my argument more lucid, I showed messages from your end to the people my friends who give unbiased views. In one word they replied was immature. 

2.       Spoiled

You are the spoiled one. And I am putting as a statement because I don’t want to have any doubts in it. You know you had several habits which is not correct. (If you want to judge that your habit is correct or not, then a way to do it is, tell yourself that its habit is taught by your mother or someone who loves you and tell see that you are happy about it. If your soul understands good things then this test will speak out for itself).

 You have taken a break from the bad habits and I have few restriction imposed on you, this all is good (Everything was for you). The underline problem is that you don’t realize that your lifestyle is bad. Till the time you don’t acknowledge that it is wrong, it will be always the burden for you.

You feel that your mother is torturing you. Well she is making you learn. However it is going to vain. You think your mother is not paying you enough, that is more than enough. She gives you extra for yours miscellaneous which is above all anchored expenses. You want money for party and to use up. Gandhiji once said there is enough resource for satisfying need of all but not for satisfying the greed of a single one. You are hunting for a job because you want to have extra source of income to fulfill your altruistic desires. You need personal transport always then you have to pay extra. In a nut shell you are spoiled.

3        3.     Big ego

Ego is expectation of recognition from others. You have a very big ego problem. Whenever you discussed that why people are saying this about you and why they think you are this kind, it is all ego of yours who speak. Ego eats up the relationship. I was putting it under the genera of immaturity and was always ignoring it, however it is stand alone problem.  You know why people say you are arrogant is because of ego. Why you come from YP gate because of ego. A little questions and ego gets hurts. Ego exists even in mature person so it does not fall in that department. Ego of your is so huge that it is going to create asperity in the relation in times to come. This will also lead to disharmony in my family. And you have not earned enough to take this chance with my family.
Let me have this opportunity to shatter your ego. Your family acknowledges to have relationship because the partners are enough valued with the counterparts. I know my family would not have resistance if you would have being in PhD or a doctor or doing a professional degree. Rather I was wondering how you sell saying that our child have done BSc in home science and were godly rich! Just wondering. Because this will not sail through my family as we appreciate the education. That a reason your matrimonial alliances are always rich as they too won’t appreciate education. I am not saying that doing that is good, never have I mentioned, I am just pointing out that our familial interest does not match. Your degree is not a problem to me until it is adding value to your knowledge. But it isn’t. When I mentioned about your degree to my friends to have unbiased views, they laughed, comments were does BSc have homescience (Abhishek), do they have exams, wondering (Sai), home science is a thing to do BSc (Reeshav) to point a few. Summing up my way is different than yours.

Because of all this your will not know why are you living but you will definitely know how to live. To answer, when you die what change you would see, you don’t have answer to this.

4     4.        Anger

You are a belligerent person. Which you have also acknowledged. This does not stop here. You have to work on it to remove this element from yours. I have told you to freeze when you get anger.  How many times you have to make a circuit back because of your anger. How many times you have yelled on me and stormed out. How many times you have hurt me physically. In my life I don’t want my time being wasted on venting off your rage. I want a happy life.

     

5      5.    Treating me as an alternative

This is hurtful. Either you are ashamed of me or you are not considering it to be some realistic, may be a time passing mode. Yes here I have my ego doweling. Because this will cause a huge difference in times to come. How does it matter, well let me enlighten you. Because of treating me as an alternative the efforts you put in and I put in are so apart that you fail miserably. 

Let me discuss my last case. Me staying at yours versus you staying at mines.

Me staying at yours	You staying at mines
1 BHK apartment	1 R
Stayed 4 times	Stayed not able to count times
Driving by cycle, bus (more efforts)	Driving by auto, bus (less efforts)
Washroom available	Needs bucket to pee
Illegal	Illegal at nights
Doubts with the people	People knows
If caught removed from apartment and Duby diatribe	If caught removed from hostel, diatribe in entire IIT (10k people), suspension from program.
After which search for new apartment and probably new agent	Termination of career
No no when your friend was staying. (probably ashamed or possessive)	Several times drove my friends out.

So this thing hurts. Things may be clear to you.

       Telling you all this things is useful for me to remind me of taking a correct step. And I personally feel that your lifestyle is different than mine which makes us incompatible. I would have compromised on the mentioned issue if there was no way back. But since we have a detour available, I agree to take it. 

Without any hard feelings, I am bidding farewell.

   

Questioning Sun

Prologue

 

Hi!

I'm writing this due to following consequences, first I don't get time to have this conversation with you. Second I can't ask you for time. 

I personally want to tell to you face on face as I could live in the moment.
Another thing I am worried that we may not be in same page. I mean that even if we are speaking about the same thing, we probability perceive the thing in different version (magnitude).

Therefore, I'm going to deal with metaphorically, in a manner which Vishnu Sharma had adopted in Panchatantra.
Further I'm going to use astronomical term because this is our common platform.

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   Questioning Sun

   You may be aware that in this know universe there are clusters of stars and out of which ~50% are binary in nature. The interesting thing about binary start is they don't revolve around each other but something which is center of their masses. If it get off that center it means that they would wobble and hence known as wobbling stars.  Which is fatal for both.

   With this goal lets see the genesis of binaries. Let's say Uranus is revolving around the Sun and it wants to become the binary with Sun. It has a mass and so the gravitational force but Sun's is unparalleled. It starts assiduously and makes a revolution, breaking the inertial barrier and sets an invariable orbital velocity.

   So far so good, however, looking from atomic perspective, and primordial Bhor's model;
The revolving electron falls to the nucleus. Extrapolating to our system, Uranus is falling towards the center (Sun), the separation between then is closing by. That's how it is divinely planned.
But....

   If falling particle (Back to atomic model) is Lennard Jone's particle, there is attractive force till the separation is less than sigma distance. Closer than sigma there is enormous repulsion to such an extend that in Hard sphere model it is termed as infinity. So if the Uranus gets closer than that distance (lets say that sigma is Asteroid belt which separates Jovian planets from terrestrial planets) then will be enormous aberration. Surely at that instant Uranus would be destroyed and Sun would be affected causing instability in entire solar system. That is when Sun is going to do when it is going to burn up all of its fuel and become the red giant, its expansion would envelop the terrestrial planet and Uranus if there would burn out. 

    That Uranus don't want to occur.

   Sun may have energy but don't want to exercise until a certain epoch but this uncertainty would be question of birth and cessation for Uranus. If there is no attractive Uranus wants to risk everything to get the warmth of the Sun, even ready revolve with vigor (reduce radius increases the angular velocity) and rotation would be unimaginable (denser planets rotates faster). If there is not interest in terrestrial planets region, then Uranus would be happy to exit the path, would cease everything and leave with great velocity and distance that even matrix of time won't be able decipher the conundrum of this path. It would be a dark body in space with no energy, light or soul, in the venture of death till eternity. 

   With a promise that Sun would not even get the glimpse that Uranus ever existed.

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Epilogue

Forgive my lousy writing, I wanted to convey something.
Please let me know the answer for the asked question.